Honestly I think I’m a wreck. Still no word from Lucy. I’m angry. I yelled at Henry so hard today that I’m sure he won’t come back for awhile. I tried to get on Facebook under the guise that Isabelle wanted me to but really I think I’m a bit lonely, which really pisses me off. I’ve never been lonely before. Something isn’t right. Not with me, and not with this world. I deleted that crap.

Just like I deleted a really well researched and thought out post that I wrote today about my introduction to vampires. My experiences and thoughts about how living vampires fit into this life I’m detailing. I was trying too hard. Delete. Here is my less puke inducing version of the story.

My brother once thought he was a vampire, or rather what is known as a ‘real vampire’ or a ‘living vampire’. It was back in his Marilyn Manson loving days, so I never knew if it was him growing out of his Church of Satan phase and into something new or if he finally took a look at that ‘Vampire Bible‘ I had ordered just to laugh at. Turns out I was wrong about that vampire bible thing, although reading about it now, it isn’t far off from what he believed at the time.

Oh and you get Sneaker Pimps “6 Underground” tonight because I’ll turn into a vampire before I put Marilyn Manson on my journal.

I’ve always been interested in vampires but I’ve always been a skeptic. My brother, we’ll call him Jack, on the other hand was always searching for something. Truth, belonging, I have no idea. We are really close in age, so much so that our friend groups overlapped, and we did a lot of things together once he got over having his little sibling follow him around. This included hanging out with our really older creepy Uncle.

Uncle was a slime bag. Total douche. Maybe he should of douched, his shit stank. I mean not literally, he was pretty clean physically but his attitude toward life was pretty selfish and unkempt. He always seemed to have his mind on other places than on what was in front of him. When he was present he was talking about how long it would be before Jack and I would bring hot teenage girls over.

He was the type of guy that if he had a Facebook or Twitter, your stream would be flooded with naked women pictures and those damn text memes that say really obvious and lame comments that you want all your friends to like.

But late at night he could talk a good game of spiritual bullshit. It was this fucker that really got me thinking about vampires. Over time we gathered that he thought he was what in the vampire community is called a ‘true vampire’. The more he hinted at that, the less of a scum bag he behaved around us. It was almost if his shit for brains attitude was a cover or a self defense mechanism (that and trying to grab every girls ass that comes into your house will actually get you laid if you do it enough).

Eventually his hinting became outward discussion. I didn’t buy into his feeling that his soul didn’t match his body, or that he had supernatural powers (maybe it wasn’t the ass groping). The concept of siphoning energy from one person to feed something lost in yourself wasn’t overly idiotic. After all the concept of transference of energy is in just about every new age book on the planet.

Jack believed it, or at least ate it up like candy. I believed in Jack. We were siblings but also really good friends. Over time Uncle convinced Jack that we were also True Vampires but we had not been awakened yet. That a transference of blood would awaken us, and that we should all go out under the moonlight and do it.

I cried bullshit. I’m all about symbolic transference and focuses to help you find your spiritual center but unless his blood was laced with LSD, I was pretty sure nothing was going to happen. When I told Jack this, he dared me to do it since it was so bogus to me. So I did.

We walked from Uncles house in Independence Missouri to some park. I don’t remember the name of the park but I remember that the creek that ran through it cut deep into the earth, creating a little valley that hid you from the surrounding houses. He had this little kit, like a diabetic would have. Jack and I had our blood taken via needles, and he consumed it, then he drew out his blood twice and we each consumed that. Before you get all judgmental, they were all clean needles. Although next time you see a needle in a park you might think something else now.. sorry (we didn’t leave them there).

It was that matter of fact. No fancy ritual, no words wasted, just a factual transference of blood in the night air. It did shit for me other than gave me street cred to say that I had drank human blood before. For Jack I think it did something to him. Maybe not on a spiritual level but after that we grew apart. He got really into the vampire culture that was developing online. Spending his time on usenet places like alt.vampires (you can still search those archives by going to groups.google.com), and hanging out with Uncle without me. I guess my constant doubt can grind on people.

Uncle eventually got wrapped up in his family and Jack started hanging out with a group of people I didn’t care for. We drifted as life does. That was it.

So how is this story relevant to what I’m currently experiencing? I have no clue. I have this theory that IF living vampires can transfer energy and need energy that there might be a connection to the vampires I’ve been writing about. I can’t really prove that as all my interactions with vampires no matter the type tend to be stunted anytime they go into the energy or influence realms. I haven’t tested this either I’m just reflecting and drawing a hypothesis.

Maybe one day I’ll find a volunteer to experiment on.