A reader pointed out to me the other day that I’m a very angry person. They are not wrong. I am angry. I’m very glad that is coming across on this blog. I would hate for anyone to get the wrong impression. I’m cynical, angry, disgusted, bored, and tired. Specially with vampires. If it wasn’t for Isabelle contacting me and putting me up for this blog job I would of cashed in my chips with those assholes after what Jesus did to me last month. If it wasn’t for Lucy tonight I would of cashed in my chips with Isabelle.

I don’t trust vampires, you all know that by now. The long game they play means that they are not strangers to deep imbeds of minions. Even the shit hole ones I’ve known via Jesus all play these game. The older and more stable ones play them really well. It’s like the cold war on crack that never wears off.. I would imagine. Masks are their bag, I get that, so I don’t trust them on principle.

Except Lucy.

So here is the deal. Suzanne called the cab I came home in tonight. I’m still a little sore and walking slow but otherwise I’m fine. Suzanne said that I’m lucky nothing vital was hit and that I should be one hundred percent soon. I say she is bullshitting me because I seem to of gotten better faster than getting hit by a bullet just a few inches from my belly button should be healing. Suzanne is a miracle worker. I should of called her Jesus.

I took my time enjoying the evening air. It’s in the 80s here but no rain, and the slight breeze makes it alright. Normally I take the stairs to my floor but today due to my injury I took the elevator. The minute the doors opened I knew Lucy was in my place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFuP9FXLF8Q

There is the song that was blaring down the hall from the door to my loft as the doors on the elevator opened. Typical I thought as I slowly walked toward the source. Drain the Blood. Vampire. Lucy. Yet you know how when you listen to the lyrics of a song at any given time they can almost be about that time. I’ve never bothered to think about those lyrics but they seemed appropriate to me right now. As I opened the door, I think they seemed more appropriate to Lucy.

In the middle of my living area she was rocking out like a teenager who just found their new jam. Air guitar, slamming walls, springing off couches, screaming. With this loud of music I’m not sure she even heard me open the door. Which should tell you how loud it was. Her antics even brought to an even more extreme by her dressing almost just like Brody Dalle (the lead singer).

I laughed. She heard me, and just like a teenager, which I remind you she almost looks like, she jumped and stopped immediately. I thought for a moment that she was genuinely embarrassed. She reached up and took off her black wig. We looked at each other not speaking while she shook out her red locks.

Finally she said, “fuck you”.

I went over and turned off the record player, which had moved onto Dismantle Me . “Yeah Fuck me” I said in the silence and crashed down into my ratty old couch.

She sat down next to me but we didn’t speak for a long time. I stared up at the pattern on the ceiling, that popcorny fuzzy crap on all modern ceilings. I thought about how maybe I shouldn’t of come back. That I could of just disappeared. The last month has been exhausting. Then she spoke.

“You are right you know, about vampires. We all deserve to get what is coming to us, sooner than later. ” I turned and looked at her while she continued. “I was mad at you for saying that I deserved it but you are right. I can’t be mad at you for saying what I know in my heart to be true.”

She looks away. “I want to be worthy of being someone you trust.”

“You play the long game.” I said.

She shook her head no, “We all do. Even you. You dream your plans up in days and years, we dream them up in decades if we want to, longer sometimes. It doesn’t mean our plans, or dreams are a game anymore than yours.”

“you say we like you are part of something”

“I don’t know anymore. The monster you called Boss and his friends got me thinking. I don’t know what I’m a part of.”

She bites her lower lip. I sat and watched her do that and for once in my vampire disdaining years my first thought wasn’t, “shes playing me.” Instead it was “how many years before the only time she does that is when she is playing someone”. Then doubt set more firm in me. I thought, Lucy with her power was only my age, she might honestly be still a person behind the monster.

I reached out and touched a ring of her hair. “Good thing you hang out with a journalist, we can find that out.” I said.

My weak smile caught her eyes and she lit up like Christmas.

We have spent the last few hours talking about my record collection, playing loud music and being young again. I haven’t felt this good around another person in a long time.

I’m sure it won’t last. After all I am a very angry person.